Saturday, May 11, 2013

From the Pens of Children...

As of this writing, Mother's Day is right around the corner. In fact for me it is today, and for everyone back home it is tomorrow. To memorialize the occasion I have gathered a few specimens of fine art that I surreptitiously acquired through use of the old iPhone-camera-sneak. Some of the following are self-portraits and some are pictures of mom and dad. Bear in mind also that not all of these are my kids. There was a display--excuse me, a COLLECTION-- out at one of the malls I went to so I snagged a few pictures there as well.

Let's warm up with a few self-portraits.

This self portrait really captures the cognitive dissonance of youth. The way the subject, the artist (her?)self does not  make eye-contact with the observer, the large closed mouth indicating that there is much to be said but all of it goes unsaid. And of course, the devil horns. Tiny, tiny devil horns on tiny, tiny hands. The spirit of rock may ebb but it will never disappear.

This is actually pretty cool. But someone definitely needs to steer a wide path around the tanning bed from now on.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" The hat shrieked in agony, "NEXT. DEAR GOD, NEEEXXTTT"

Now let's move on to the sweetness that is portraits of parents. I guess out of a sense of fairness they also included pictures of fathers, too. The only way to differentiate the gender of the portrait though is sometimes the color of the paper. Wait a minute, that could be the gender of the artist. Uh oh.

I've heard it said that watercolor is the medium of the masters, but pencil and crayon is the medium of the virtuoso...


This one should definitely be called "Kissilips". But it's also a grim reminder of what can happen when your lips become sentient and decide to launch a campaign to overtake your face, starting with your nose.

Hang on a second, I need to do a little math on my hands here. Two eyes... ok. Two ears... ok. One mouth... ok. Now, stay with me on this... one... two... noses? Crap, did I make a mistake somewhere?

Take your parents to work day must be a blast when your papa is Mr.Potato Head.

Oink oink! Show mommy how the piggies eat!


Man... Mommy's hair really took a nosedive after the pregnancy. Guess that's what happens when your kids literally make you pull your hair out.

This seems like it might actually be a self-portrait masquerading as a picture of mommy. Look at the  egghead on this one-- no wonder Asian people got saddled with the stereotype of being smart-- their brains are also disproportionately bigger. "...The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world."

This unlucky parent seems to be unhappy about being viciously shocked. Or perhaps he is in the midst of being summoned from a pokeball, as is the norm here when any child is hungry. "I want a sandwich! I choose YOU, DAD!"

This seems to be a monster mash up of a few of the above portraits. I'm coming up with a weird number of noses again, yellow eyes, blue eyebrows and technicolor hair. Plus I'm pretty sure those are arms coming out of the side, so he seems to belong to the Potato Head family. That captures the dad grimace perfectly though. This is the look you get when you make eye contact with your dad right after you just did something you knew you weren't supposed to do. He even seems to be throwing his arms up in exasperation. "Son! Is that trouble I smell?! You bet your behind I can smell trouble a mile away!"

Happy Mother's Day, happy Father's Day, from all of us children in Japan. May you never stop imagining your parents as zombies, Potato Heads, Pokemon, kissilips, or the champions they are for keeping you alive until you could assume the responsibility yourself!

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